Wednesday, September 25, 2013

A typical morning in the Shadoff house!

Decided to share our morning routine!

5:45am - alarm clock goes off.  Thankfully someone invented "snooze".  Clock goes off every seven minutes until 6:06.

6:06am - stumble out of bed and do bathroom stuff.

6:15am - check facebook (must get priorities in order!)

6:25am - get breakfast ready

6:30 (ish)am - start trying to get children out of bed.  First oldest child's room - shut off his TV (which has been on all night), get screamed at by child1, "I AM AWAKE!"  Walk across hall to attempt to wake up child2.  Hear, "I hate school, I don't want to go!"  Walk to other end of home to wake up children 3 and 4.  Child three clings to mattress, overs head up with blanket and shoves finger further in mouth (finger sucker, not a thumb sucker), while child4 jumps out of bed with the energy of a chipmunk after four energy drinks and starts singing a song, loudly out of key.  Then child 4 begins to talk to you non-stop about something or other (you haven't had coffee yet - mind you), and starts asking what is for breakfast, what is for lunch, what is for dinner, what is the square root of 874, why do we poop. . . . .

6:40am - finally get out of twins room (child 4 chattering behind you the entire way), dog trips you  - which reminds you to let the dog out (which you do).  Child 4 then notices how "nasty" breakfast is and starts complaining, then demanding coffee, water, and saying she doesn't want to take her medication.  You ignore this and go back to the rooms of the older two.  You tell them both that it is time to get up.  Child 2 starts moving, thus causing child 1 to start SCREAMING, "I GET TO SHOWER FIRST!" as he bolts out of the room, knocking you over to get to the bathroom first, child 2 (who is 2 feet from your ear at this point), screams, "I KNOW!"  With the ringing in your ears you come back to the kitchen area.  Child 4 is STILL talking about something, and child 3 is no where in the area.  You go back to the twins bedroom, yank her pillow out from under her and lift her to her feet, causing, "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL!" to be cried out of her lips in a cry/whine that only a 6 year old girl can do.  You take the loved pillow and put it at her spot at the table.  It is now 6:45 and you inform them that they have 15 minutes to eat before it is time to get dressed.

6:48am - you re-treat back to facebook world . . . . hearing child 2 scream at any child who chews/swallows anything with sound.  Child 3 is curled up at the table sleeping while child 4 cries, "You have to eat Child3!  You will be hungry!"  Child one is now in the shower finally.

7:00am - Dog is now barking to come in and be fed - but you ignore that.  You go to twins bedroom and get clothing for them.  You then come out to the kitchen where Child2 is angry and yelling that breakfast wasn't, "good enough."  Child 4 is jumping and dancing in the room, Child3 has still not eaten anything yet.  Since Child4 is done eating you decide to let them pick which outfit to wear out of the two you brought out.  This causes Child3 to SCREAM, because of course Child4 always picks the outfit that Child3 wanted to wear.  You put the clothing on Child4 (while she is dancing) and tell her to go get socks for both her and her sister.  Child2 is still screaming because breakfast is, "Disgusting."  You start trying to dress child3, but she won't get her finger out of her mount long enough to put her shirt on.  This is when you notice Child4 is not getting socks like you asked her to, she is instead licking the glass on the French door.  You remind her to go get two pairs of socks, still trying to wrestle the finger out of child3's mouth.  Child four takes six steps towards the room with the socks in it and then stops to play with something only she can see on the floor, while Child2 is now screaming, "EVERYONE HATES ME AND WANTS ME TO STARVE TO DEATH, I CAN'T EAT THIS DISGUSTING FOOD!" (still trying to wrestle the finger out of Child3's mouth so you can get her shirt on), when you tell Child2 she is more than welcome to eat breakfast at school.  This causes Child2 to scream like you just told her you were going to scalp her first born.  Child4 is now rolling on the ground (still no closer to those socks), but you have gotten the finger out of Child3's mouth long enough to get her shirt on her.  You remind child4 about the socks (probably yelling at this point), and try to get pants on Child3 - who is attached to her pillow.  At this point child2 tosses a utensil across the room and proclaims her life is over and everyone is against her. 

7:15am - Child4 finally shows up with socks.  Child3 screams because she doesn't like the socks that were picked out for her.  You tell her to put them on anyway and state that we are leaving in 5 minutes.  Child3 starts screaming because the socks, "don't feel right."  Takes them off several times and tries them on the other feet - then proclaims, "These socks don't fit my feet!  They feel all wrong!"  Child4 is now singing "Take me out to the Ball Game" at the threshold of pain, while Child2 is now screaming because Child1 is still in the shower.  You go to the bathroom to tell the child who has now been in the shower for 30 minutes that it is time to get out only to get screamed at, "I JUST GOT IN HERE AND HAVEN'T WASHED ANYTHING YET!"  You tell twins to put shoes on - which causes them to start screaming because they don't know where their shoes are (they are all in the hall tree in bags with their mate).  You then tell them (again probably yelling at this point) that you are leaving for the school and they better get their shoes on.  By now husband has appeared and usually says something helpful like, "This family sucks in the morning."  Child3 is still screaming because the socks aren't right and is refusing to put shoes on, Child4 has shoes on but starts screaming and crying, "Sissy, put your shoes on or we will leave you!" Dog is still barking outside to come in, cat is posed at the door to run out as soon as it opens.

7:25am (five minutes after the time when you were supposed to have left) the twins finally leave the house.  Child1 was still in the shower, and Child2 is left in the house crying.  Husband is making that cup of coffee that I am going to devour when I get back.  Twins stop on the way to the fan to look at the frog, leaf, lizard, piece of dirt, father's car. . .pretty much anything they can find to slow them down. 

7:33 am - you finally pull out of the driveway (yes it took you 8 minutes to walk the 20 feet from the door to the van!)  You drive past the old bus stop which has the twins screaming the name of every friend they went to school with last year.  Ears start ringing again. 

7:45am - you get to the school.  When the twins are getting out of the van you get lectured by the lady at the school because it is too late for them to get breakfast - causing Child3 who didn't eat any of the breakfast in front of her to start crying because she is hungry.  Women looks at you like you are a monster for making your child starve to death.  You try to explain that you offered her breakfast, she just didn't eat it, woman takes pitty on your "neglected" child and allows her to go straight to the lunchroom to get breakfast, tossing you a dirty look as she walks away with your child.

7:55am - return home.  Child2 is finally in the shower, Child1 has rap music playing at the threshold of pain.  Thankfully you are still partially deaf from all the screaming that has happened in the morning so you can only make out a few swear words over the ringing in your ears.  Child1 starts laughing and taunting Child2 while they are in the shower because they are "running out of time."  I explain to Child1 that the reason Child2 is out of time is because they took a long shower.  Child1 laughs. 

8:05am - I tell the children they have 5 minutes before they have to leave.  Child2 starts panicing because she just got out of the shower and had nothing packed for school.  Child1's music is now really becoming annoying, now that the ringing in the ears has gone down some, and you tell them to turn their music off, causing them to start screaming about their First Amendment rights. 

8:10am - Child1 walks out the door.  Child2 is running around like a chicken with its head cut off, screaming they can't find something.  Finally the child clucks her way out the door and the house has an eerie quiet. . .but only for a moment because the dog starts barking again (she is still outside BTW).

8:15am - dog is fed and you are seriously asking yourself if it is too early for a glass of wine. . .

1 comment:

  1. Husband's Morning:
    5:45am. Hit Snooze.
    5:52am. Hit Snooze.
    5:59am. Hit Snooze. Stay upright. Stagger into bathroom. Pet cat. Do bathroom things. Brush teeth.

    6:15-ish. Stumble out to kitchen. Pet other cat. Make coffee. Check e-mail.

    6:30am. Shower.

    7:00am. Get dressed. Pet first cat again.

    7:10am. Pour coffee for self and wife. Pack lunch. Eat peanut butter bread or kids' uneaten breakfast for breakfast. Ignore screaming from every other living thing in the house.

    7:15am. Observe that family sucks in the morning.

    7:16am. Fierce scowl from wife.

    7:20-ish. Leave for work.

    Okay, maybe I do have it pretty soft in the morning.