Memory is an amazing thing. It really is. Most of the time I am thankful for having such a good memory, because I know a lot of people who don't. There are things I wish I could forget - but I would much rather have the memories of the bad things than lose the memories of the good things.
Lately I have been in my "missing Grandma" low cycle. I always miss her, wish I could call her up and talk to her, but some times are harder than others. The thought of never getting to hug her or talk to her again can be crippling at times. I try to focus on the joy she brought to my life, and not the emptiness her loss has left me with. I try. . . .
So today I was cooking dinner (still working on it). Ellie wanted to watch TV (she is such an addict), but TV brings so many fights to our home that I am starting to really be a control freak on the TV. So 4pm came around and I decided to turn on the TV for her to watch. Normally she puts on Futurama (I know - so not appropriate for a 6 year old), and eventually there are screaming fights over which episodes to watch. Well, I decided that if they want to watch TV I am the one in control over the programming, so I put on Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.
So there I was, in the kitchen peeling eggs with Lucy, while Ellie was watching Buck Rogers in the living room. It was at that moment when my memory sparked and I was in Grandma's living room, in one of those big blue chairs with the chair is pushed up about two feet from the TV, a plate of food is in my lap (mac n cheese or a pot pie) and I was watching TV while Grandma was in the kitchen. In all honestly she was probably eating her dinner alone out there at the table while I was allowed to eat supper in front of the TV (now, as an adult I feel bad about that, but as a kid I was excited to eat while watching TV.) It was like I was back there, for just a moment. The smells of her house fresh in my mind. The feel of the fabric of that chair on my skin like it was now, not 30 years ago. The warmth, security, love and joy that was Grandma was here with me for a moment.
Like traveling through time. . .