Even more thoughts on my Grandma. . .

OK, I am not super parent.  I will never win a parent of the year award.  The reality of it is that I hope my parenting doesn't totally mess up my kids to the point where they are unable to function in adulthood - because I see that as a very real possibility.  I get overwhelmed easily, and when I get overwhelmed I yell.

This morning was one such morning.  Our cable/internet/phone provider increased our service cost.  They increased it by $20 a month.  I knew it was coming, I knew we only had that discount for a year and our year was up.  Well, the other big name provider in the area had a deal - cable, internet and phone for $50 a month less than our old provider.  $50 a month to us is a big deal.  I know, doesn't sound like a lot, but we live on a very strict budget and if we want do do things like go to Disney or go to Michigan next summer we have to find a way to save that money - so I live by that budget.  Well we switched yesterday and I am already regretting it.

The TV and the phone aren't a big deal to me.  We only watch TV in the evening and I don't make a lot of phone calls, it is the internet that we need.  Gabe is virtual schooled and we NEED reliable internet.  Since we switched to this new provider we no longer have reliable internet.  Trying to submit a test takes three attempts.  Trying listen to an assignment online and the internet drops us right in the middle.  We can't have that.  We NEED reliable internet for Gabe to do his schoolwork.

Well, this morning Nick "fixed" it.  Then he took off on a 10 mile bike ride.  I was trying to pay some bills online and the internet still kept dropping us.  Nick believes that part of the problem is they set up the network in our bedroom and the laptop is in the living room.  Well, I decided to move Gabe's desk into our bedroom - we have a space for it - just need to move a few things around. 

So here is were we are getting into the "more thoughts about Grandma" part.  I am trying to move things around, things are falling off, the modem falls and shatters.  This causes me to panic - Gabe NEEDS internet to go to school.  Doorbell is ringing, kids are fighting, by now I am crying and wishing I were anywhere but here as I try to untangle the cords and try to put the modem back together.  I was wishing at that point I had some form of help with some of this stuff.  Then my mind goes to Grandma.

Grandma was left a widow at a young age - with three young children.  She didn't have a drivers license and they lived in rural northern Michigan.  Grandma was a hard working woman - but she was a housewife.  She hadn't had a job outside of the house since WWII ended.  Grandpa did all the bills, earned and organized all the money, and brought home the game and fish for the meals.  Here I was sitting, crying about a broken modem and not knowing what we were going to do for Gabe's schooling, when Grandma found a way to support and raise three kids alone in a situation that was way worse than the one I am in.

I just don't know how she did it.  I wish I was more like her.  She was always so happy and loving all the time, not sitting on the floor crying and yelling out curse words.  I do so  miss her and do so wish I was more like her. . .