Hello everyone, I hope everyone is having a great day. This blog will be about assumptions. I hate when people assume they know things that they don't. Why do people read into everything? This has to do with our summers.
OK - two years ago my family moved from Northern Michigan to Florida. We left the Traverse City area and moved to a suburb of Tampa. Now, I don't miss the long winters of the Traverse City area but I do miss everything else about that area. I grew up there and only left for college. Most of my family is there, although my husband's is not. I love how pretty it is up there. I love the lakes, dunes, nature trails, and Michigan people are my people - even if they do piss me off sometimes. Florida is a different world. I am deathly allergic to fire ants so I don't like to go outside because I am afraid I am going to be killed. We live in a suburb so we have little to no property and little to no privacy. Winters are pleasant out side, but from April to October it is just too hot to be outside not in a pool and it is too hot to have the windows open. The humidity is oppressive. I wouldn't trust walking through the woods because Florida is filled with bugs/snakes that are poisonous and aggressive. Then that brings us to the people - ever realize that all the strange stories come from Florida? Casey Anthony? George Zimmerman? The 2000 election mess up? Florida is filled with crazy people. People who eat the faces off of other living people. Now - I am not saying everyone down here is bat shit crazy - but there are enough of them to where I don't trust these people. I miss Michigan - my girls miss Michigan - Florida sucks and five of the six people in this house can't stand this state.
So, we moved down here two years ago and we stayed here the first summer. By the time school started the kids all wanted to kill each other. Stuck in a house - not going outside because it is too hot - getting on each others nerves. I don't know why the kids here don't get their break from December to Feb, instead of June - August - because June - August is horrible down here. At the end of that summer I looked at my husband and said, "I won't spend another summer down here." What this means is that every summer the kids and I go to Michigan. We spend about six weeks up there - enjoying family and Grandma's house. The girls and I love it up there - Gabe being the only one who doesn't want to go. That being said - my husband can't join us. He has to work.
The look on people's faces when they find out the kids and I go up while Nick stays here is just annoying. You can see it - they think we have marital problems. Some have even said, "Oh you poor people." What do you mean us poor people? Why does it mean our marriage has to be in trouble if we can spend six weeks apart each year? I know military families who are separated for longer than that.
So here it is - the kids and I go to Michigan for the summer - my husband does not. We wish he could join us. We are sad to leave him, but it is better for my kids to go "home" for the summer than to stay down here missing everyone and everything we love up there. We are hoping my husband can join us for a week or two this summer, but his job may not allow that to happen. He has to work to support us and we are thankful for all his hard work. I personally think this makes our marriage stronger, not weaker. We trust each other to know we will be fine apart for six weeks, and at the same time it makes us really miss each other by the end of it.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Reason #214 as to why I will never win a parent of the year award.
I love my children. They crack me up, but I realize I am not the best parent out there - not by far. I don't read to them every night. When they all start talking to me at once I get overwhelmed and can't understand any of them. Well - now I will give an example as to some of my inappropriate parenting.
I will start out by saying that Lucy can be pretty profane. Has been that way since she could talk. Her first word was "kitty", but not to long after that came her first two work sentence. . . "Damn it". She loved that phrase. When ever she would say it she would fist up her little hand and smack it on a hard surface while she said it. Cute big blue eyes and soft curls yelling out , "Damn it!" as she pounded her fist. Hard not to laugh. There were many other profanities, but the image of sweet little Lucy pounding her fist and saying "Damn it" is one that I hope will stay with me long after Alzheimer's has set in.
So a couple of weeks ago Lucy was in her play therapy, a place she goes every two weeks to learn how to deal with her emotions. While she was there Evelyn and I looked in the little shops in that strip mall (everything down here is in a strip mall!) In one of the stores we saw something and I immediately knew I had to buy it for my Lucy, it is something called a Dammit doll.
So I fast forward to lunch today. It was 12:30 - 30 minutes past lunch time - and she was hungry. I was going to make mac n cheese and asked her to get the boxes out - so she pulled three boxes out. She watched me put only two of those boxes into the water - this caused her to unload the missile silos.
"I AM REALLY HUNGRY! YOU HAVE TO MAKE THREE BOXES!" I tried to reason with her (haha - I should have known better) and I said, "Lucy, it will only be you, Ellie and Evie eating. Two boxes will be pleanty." "NO! I AM SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT THE HOUSE! YOU HAVE TO MAKE THREE BOXES!" At that point I told her I was only making two boxes and she needed to stop yelling. This sent her to the living room where she cried like a child who had never eaten in her life for about three minutes. Then she gets up and stomps to her bedroom where I start to hear something getting smacked on the bed frame and out comes, "DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!" She then stomped back out the kitchen, no longer crying but angry, Dammit doll in hand. She scowls at me and starts beating the doll on the counter repeat the phrase three more times. She turns to look at me again and stomps back to her bedroom. Really, all I could do was try to hide the fact that I really wanted to laugh. When I composed myself I asked her if she felt better. She yelled, "YES!"
Man - so funny. I know I shouldn't let her swear - and really we don't generally let her get away with it - but that was funny. Thus - reason number 214 as to why I will never win a parent of the year award. Honestly, I hope when the four of them get together to write the "Mommy Dearest" book that they take some of the proceeds and put me in a good nursing home!
I will start out by saying that Lucy can be pretty profane. Has been that way since she could talk. Her first word was "kitty", but not to long after that came her first two work sentence. . . "Damn it". She loved that phrase. When ever she would say it she would fist up her little hand and smack it on a hard surface while she said it. Cute big blue eyes and soft curls yelling out , "Damn it!" as she pounded her fist. Hard not to laugh. There were many other profanities, but the image of sweet little Lucy pounding her fist and saying "Damn it" is one that I hope will stay with me long after Alzheimer's has set in.
So a couple of weeks ago Lucy was in her play therapy, a place she goes every two weeks to learn how to deal with her emotions. While she was there Evelyn and I looked in the little shops in that strip mall (everything down here is in a strip mall!) In one of the stores we saw something and I immediately knew I had to buy it for my Lucy, it is something called a Dammit doll.
This doll looks like a Voodoo doll, but is made from a pretty fabric. It has a little phrase that is on the doll and it goes like this
When ever things don't go so well,
And you want to hit the wall and yell,
Here's a little dammit doll,
That you can't do without.
Just grasp it firmly by the legs
And find a place to slam it,
And when you whack the stuffing out
Yell, "DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!"
So, I really debated on if I should get this doll for my six year old. Evelyn was with me, telling me, "You have to get it for her." I knew it wasn't appropriate for her, but I just couldn't resist. I has a momentary thought of, "Well, maybe I will get it now and put it away until she is older." You know, when she is older we could joke about it being her first phrase. Of course I didn't wait though and I gave it to her when we got home. Initially she just hugged the doll and didn't want to hurt it. Intially.
"I AM REALLY HUNGRY! YOU HAVE TO MAKE THREE BOXES!" I tried to reason with her (haha - I should have known better) and I said, "Lucy, it will only be you, Ellie and Evie eating. Two boxes will be pleanty." "NO! I AM SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT THE HOUSE! YOU HAVE TO MAKE THREE BOXES!" At that point I told her I was only making two boxes and she needed to stop yelling. This sent her to the living room where she cried like a child who had never eaten in her life for about three minutes. Then she gets up and stomps to her bedroom where I start to hear something getting smacked on the bed frame and out comes, "DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!" She then stomped back out the kitchen, no longer crying but angry, Dammit doll in hand. She scowls at me and starts beating the doll on the counter repeat the phrase three more times. She turns to look at me again and stomps back to her bedroom. Really, all I could do was try to hide the fact that I really wanted to laugh. When I composed myself I asked her if she felt better. She yelled, "YES!"
Man - so funny. I know I shouldn't let her swear - and really we don't generally let her get away with it - but that was funny. Thus - reason number 214 as to why I will never win a parent of the year award. Honestly, I hope when the four of them get together to write the "Mommy Dearest" book that they take some of the proceeds and put me in a good nursing home!
Sunday, April 7, 2013
An idiot angered Angel . . .
Sigh. Here comes another rant. I probably will be profane, just warning you. . .
OK - believe it or not most of the time I ignore things most people say. I do have the, "Wow, did they really just say that?" moment a lot, but usually I can just let it roll off and just look at the source. Really, that is what I should be doing now instead of letting it eat me up and making me ill, but I can't. I have to get it off my chest. In part, I am very mad at myself because I didn't confront this person when it happened, but me being me I was just left speechless after hearing the crap spew from her face. . .
I will say I have a good son. He is a thinker. He thinks a lot about things. He has a way of looking at things and seeing things that amazes me. He may be 12, and when he is not letting his 12 year old emotions get the better of him he is a great person to talk to. Gabe also cares a lot about people. It bothers him immensely when he sees animals, kids, and elderly people go without or be treated poorly. He helps to deliver meals on wheels with me and he loves it. He is nice to the elderly people, and has made a few really good friends among the elderly people. On top of all of this, he is probably the smartest person I have ever and ever will meet. Gabe will be a good man someday.
I will say, I do know my son's flaws. Gabe does not like to be around a lot of people. He is a loner - as are my husband and I. He would be happy if he saw his friends a few times a month, that would be ideal for him. He is easily irritated and hurt by people. People who are energetic annoy him. He gets very upset hearing people fight and yell at each other. He gets very hurt when friends do pre-teen teasing, he takes it personally. Gabe is not charismatic. He says things how he sees them and he won't sugar coat things, and a lot of people see this as rude. Gabe also works very hard to not let anyone know what he is feeling. He sees showing emotions as a weakness so he works very hard to never show those emotions.
That is pretty much my son in a nutshell.
Now, recently we had a get together in our neighborhood. Several neighbors as well as a few other people came, there was food, there was beer, the kids had a lot of fun running around and playing. My girls, being who they are, were in their element. Gabe came up to me once the sun went down and said, "Yah, I have had enough. I am going to bed." He wasn't being rude, he was being him.
A couple of hours later I was talking to a lady who I have met several times. She has a boy my son's age and they got into a physical altercation not long after we moved to Florida.. To make a long story short, my son was swimming in the pool with her two boys, one Gabe's age and one a few years younger. The younger boy kept following Gabe around saying, "Punch me in the face." Gabe said "no" several times until finally he said to the boy, "Do you really want me to punch you in the face?" And the boy said, "Yes! I can take it! Punch me in the face." So Gabe, being the literal person he is, punched this younger child in the face. The boy that was Gabe's age then jumped on Gabe and tried to drown him - and I mean seriously drown him - make him dead. Now, I do not condone Gabe punching this child in the face, and I had a long discussion with Gabe that he should never, ever hit anyone smaller and weaker then him even if the beg him to do it, but this child tried to kill my son. Needless to say this woman doesn't think highly of Gabe and Gabe works very hard at to avoid everyone in that family.
Anyway, to get back my irritation, the girls were being social, like always. I was discussing to this person how social my girls are, they love people, and then I ended it with, "And then we have Gabe." I meant it to be a joke because Gabe does not hide the fact that a party is the last place in the world he wants to be, he is so the opposite of my girls on this that there is something comical about it. This person saw this as an opening and at that point she just ran with it going on and on about how I just have to accept what God gave me and bide my time until he is 18 and will be out of the house. She discussed about how hard it would be to have a child like him but God gave him to me for a reason. In a few more years he would be gone and I could enjoy life again.
I just stared at her open mouthed as she continued to ramble on, eventually getting to how wonderful her kids are and how smart they are. I couldn't say anything to her for a while after that. I tried to tell myself this was the ignorant ramblings of a drunk bitch. I tried to let it go. . . but now I am just mad. Mad at her for presuming things about my son, who she knows little to nothing about. Mad at myself for not spitting in this persons face and gathering my children and going into the house.
I am mad that I didn't tell her this (and again, I am sorry if this is profane but I have to say it somewhere)
Excuse me, how dare you assume that my son is this terrible person who must be endured. You have no right say or think these things about him, because in all honestly you aren't fit to lick his boots.
That child, that child that I must "accept as he is and bide" my time has the most amazing mind of anyone you will ever meet. He will some day cure cancer or make a rocket to visit Mars. He will change the world in ways you have never and will never even be able to comprehend. Just because you do not understand his ways does not mean that he is bad or wrong, he is just not you or your children.
That child cares more about people than you can ever comprehend. That child will put his last dollar into the Salvation army bucket without even thinking, he will try to do it so no one notices it for he doesn't do it for the attention, he does it because it is right. That child begs and pleads with me to bring home every stray cat I see on the streets. That child turns away from homeless and hungry people sad and upset over their situation and angry because there is nothing he can do about it.
On top of that, Gable has over come more in his 12 years of life than many people overcome in 50 years. From being born dead, overcoming autism, and being ridiculed for not being like everyone else - Gabe already has the story that people write books about.
How dare you?! How dare you think these things about another person's child. How dare you have the audacity to say this things to anyone, much less his mother? What the hell is wrong with you?
OK - believe it or not most of the time I ignore things most people say. I do have the, "Wow, did they really just say that?" moment a lot, but usually I can just let it roll off and just look at the source. Really, that is what I should be doing now instead of letting it eat me up and making me ill, but I can't. I have to get it off my chest. In part, I am very mad at myself because I didn't confront this person when it happened, but me being me I was just left speechless after hearing the crap spew from her face. . .
I will say I have a good son. He is a thinker. He thinks a lot about things. He has a way of looking at things and seeing things that amazes me. He may be 12, and when he is not letting his 12 year old emotions get the better of him he is a great person to talk to. Gabe also cares a lot about people. It bothers him immensely when he sees animals, kids, and elderly people go without or be treated poorly. He helps to deliver meals on wheels with me and he loves it. He is nice to the elderly people, and has made a few really good friends among the elderly people. On top of all of this, he is probably the smartest person I have ever and ever will meet. Gabe will be a good man someday.
I will say, I do know my son's flaws. Gabe does not like to be around a lot of people. He is a loner - as are my husband and I. He would be happy if he saw his friends a few times a month, that would be ideal for him. He is easily irritated and hurt by people. People who are energetic annoy him. He gets very upset hearing people fight and yell at each other. He gets very hurt when friends do pre-teen teasing, he takes it personally. Gabe is not charismatic. He says things how he sees them and he won't sugar coat things, and a lot of people see this as rude. Gabe also works very hard to not let anyone know what he is feeling. He sees showing emotions as a weakness so he works very hard to never show those emotions.
That is pretty much my son in a nutshell.
Now, recently we had a get together in our neighborhood. Several neighbors as well as a few other people came, there was food, there was beer, the kids had a lot of fun running around and playing. My girls, being who they are, were in their element. Gabe came up to me once the sun went down and said, "Yah, I have had enough. I am going to bed." He wasn't being rude, he was being him.
A couple of hours later I was talking to a lady who I have met several times. She has a boy my son's age and they got into a physical altercation not long after we moved to Florida.. To make a long story short, my son was swimming in the pool with her two boys, one Gabe's age and one a few years younger. The younger boy kept following Gabe around saying, "Punch me in the face." Gabe said "no" several times until finally he said to the boy, "Do you really want me to punch you in the face?" And the boy said, "Yes! I can take it! Punch me in the face." So Gabe, being the literal person he is, punched this younger child in the face. The boy that was Gabe's age then jumped on Gabe and tried to drown him - and I mean seriously drown him - make him dead. Now, I do not condone Gabe punching this child in the face, and I had a long discussion with Gabe that he should never, ever hit anyone smaller and weaker then him even if the beg him to do it, but this child tried to kill my son. Needless to say this woman doesn't think highly of Gabe and Gabe works very hard at to avoid everyone in that family.
Anyway, to get back my irritation, the girls were being social, like always. I was discussing to this person how social my girls are, they love people, and then I ended it with, "And then we have Gabe." I meant it to be a joke because Gabe does not hide the fact that a party is the last place in the world he wants to be, he is so the opposite of my girls on this that there is something comical about it. This person saw this as an opening and at that point she just ran with it going on and on about how I just have to accept what God gave me and bide my time until he is 18 and will be out of the house. She discussed about how hard it would be to have a child like him but God gave him to me for a reason. In a few more years he would be gone and I could enjoy life again.
I just stared at her open mouthed as she continued to ramble on, eventually getting to how wonderful her kids are and how smart they are. I couldn't say anything to her for a while after that. I tried to tell myself this was the ignorant ramblings of a drunk bitch. I tried to let it go. . . but now I am just mad. Mad at her for presuming things about my son, who she knows little to nothing about. Mad at myself for not spitting in this persons face and gathering my children and going into the house.
I am mad that I didn't tell her this (and again, I am sorry if this is profane but I have to say it somewhere)
Excuse me, how dare you assume that my son is this terrible person who must be endured. You have no right say or think these things about him, because in all honestly you aren't fit to lick his boots.
That child, that child that I must "accept as he is and bide" my time has the most amazing mind of anyone you will ever meet. He will some day cure cancer or make a rocket to visit Mars. He will change the world in ways you have never and will never even be able to comprehend. Just because you do not understand his ways does not mean that he is bad or wrong, he is just not you or your children.
That child cares more about people than you can ever comprehend. That child will put his last dollar into the Salvation army bucket without even thinking, he will try to do it so no one notices it for he doesn't do it for the attention, he does it because it is right. That child begs and pleads with me to bring home every stray cat I see on the streets. That child turns away from homeless and hungry people sad and upset over their situation and angry because there is nothing he can do about it.
On top of that, Gable has over come more in his 12 years of life than many people overcome in 50 years. From being born dead, overcoming autism, and being ridiculed for not being like everyone else - Gabe already has the story that people write books about.
How dare you?! How dare you think these things about another person's child. How dare you have the audacity to say this things to anyone, much less his mother? What the hell is wrong with you?
Friday, March 22, 2013
Am I fooling myself. . . .
Now, what do we do with our little Lucy? That is the question of the day. Little Lucy is very bright, but sitting still in school and focusing on what the teacher is saying is hard for her. She did OK until October of 2011. Then she had a terrible reaction to a DTaP and now she just has a hard time in school. To make matters worse, the school she goes to is very standardized test score driven. The kids are all "yes sir" "no sir" and are quiet until spoken to. It is in this type of classrooms, where the children sit and listen, remembering all they have heard is where our little out spoken Lucy, who has her own thoughts, has problems.
It is obvious that our current school situation isn't going well. She can't focus enough to do the same work as the other students (she is learning though - but that is because she is just so dang smart). Sitting in her seat while a teacher reads a book is beyond her self control. She tries - she tries hard - but every day she comes home in tears because, "I just couldn't do it." This school is not the place for her.
So today I finally took a tour of the school her therapist and everyone at this current school keeps telling me I should send her to. It is a private school about 10 miles from here. Everyone keeps telling me it is designed for "kids like her". I read the reviews of the school - a Christian Based school that uses the BJU homeschooling curriculum. Parents who reviewed the school spoke highly of it. Grades are combined, usually two grades in each room. That isn't an issue since the max class size varies from 6 students to 15. I put it that way because the grades are designated by levels. Level one is for the lowest functioning students, Level two is for mid level students, and level three is for the highest level of student. The level one classes only are allowed 6 students per class. The administrator was very nice, really seemed to care about his facility and the students that were there. It was honestly just a small building at the end of a strip mall.
Sounds great so far - right? It actually seemed like a good facility - but I don't want my Lucy to go there. Why don't I want her to go there? Every child in that school had some level of developmental delay. To walk the 20 feet to the bathroom the kids had to hold on to the rope so no one got lost. Even the level 3 classroom, the highest functioning classroom, isn't on grade level with other schools.
I don't know, maybe I am just fooling myself. I am not blind to Lucy's "issues". I do see her problems with focus, and as much as I hate to admit this - I am taking her in to see if we could try her on some ADD/ADHD medications to see if that would help her. I know her half dozen diagnosis - I know what they mean - but when I look at my Lucy I see a bright, funny child who, in the right school setting, can go off and do anything with her life that she puts her mind on doing. When I look at Lucy I see potential. I don't see a child that needs to be sent to a special school designed for kids that can't do normal school work.
This is, in my opinion, the hardest part of parenting. Making decisions that could effect the course of their life. If she needs this school and I don't send her because, I don't know, maybe I am too proud to think that my child fits in with those other children, and she just stagnates at regular public school, self-esteem falling, falling behind academically because it just isn't the right place for her - this is going to effect the rest of her life. If I do send her to a school like this - what will her future be? Am I fooling myself and blind to what Lucy really needs, or do I see the real Lucy and I just need to keep pushing for her future in the public school system. . . .
I hate this - but I love my little Lucy.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Traveling through time.
Memory is an amazing thing. It really is. Most of the time I am thankful for having such a good memory, because I know a lot of people who don't. There are things I wish I could forget - but I would much rather have the memories of the bad things than lose the memories of the good things.
Lately I have been in my "missing Grandma" low cycle. I always miss her, wish I could call her up and talk to her, but some times are harder than others. The thought of never getting to hug her or talk to her again can be crippling at times. I try to focus on the joy she brought to my life, and not the emptiness her loss has left me with. I try. . . .
So today I was cooking dinner (still working on it). Ellie wanted to watch TV (she is such an addict), but TV brings so many fights to our home that I am starting to really be a control freak on the TV. So 4pm came around and I decided to turn on the TV for her to watch. Normally she puts on Futurama (I know - so not appropriate for a 6 year old), and eventually there are screaming fights over which episodes to watch. Well, I decided that if they want to watch TV I am the one in control over the programming, so I put on Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.
So there I was, in the kitchen peeling eggs with Lucy, while Ellie was watching Buck Rogers in the living room. It was at that moment when my memory sparked and I was in Grandma's living room, in one of those big blue chairs with the chair is pushed up about two feet from the TV, a plate of food is in my lap (mac n cheese or a pot pie) and I was watching TV while Grandma was in the kitchen. In all honestly she was probably eating her dinner alone out there at the table while I was allowed to eat supper in front of the TV (now, as an adult I feel bad about that, but as a kid I was excited to eat while watching TV.) It was like I was back there, for just a moment. The smells of her house fresh in my mind. The feel of the fabric of that chair on my skin like it was now, not 30 years ago. The warmth, security, love and joy that was Grandma was here with me for a moment.
Like traveling through time. . .
Lately I have been in my "missing Grandma" low cycle. I always miss her, wish I could call her up and talk to her, but some times are harder than others. The thought of never getting to hug her or talk to her again can be crippling at times. I try to focus on the joy she brought to my life, and not the emptiness her loss has left me with. I try. . . .
So today I was cooking dinner (still working on it). Ellie wanted to watch TV (she is such an addict), but TV brings so many fights to our home that I am starting to really be a control freak on the TV. So 4pm came around and I decided to turn on the TV for her to watch. Normally she puts on Futurama (I know - so not appropriate for a 6 year old), and eventually there are screaming fights over which episodes to watch. Well, I decided that if they want to watch TV I am the one in control over the programming, so I put on Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.
So there I was, in the kitchen peeling eggs with Lucy, while Ellie was watching Buck Rogers in the living room. It was at that moment when my memory sparked and I was in Grandma's living room, in one of those big blue chairs with the chair is pushed up about two feet from the TV, a plate of food is in my lap (mac n cheese or a pot pie) and I was watching TV while Grandma was in the kitchen. In all honestly she was probably eating her dinner alone out there at the table while I was allowed to eat supper in front of the TV (now, as an adult I feel bad about that, but as a kid I was excited to eat while watching TV.) It was like I was back there, for just a moment. The smells of her house fresh in my mind. The feel of the fabric of that chair on my skin like it was now, not 30 years ago. The warmth, security, love and joy that was Grandma was here with me for a moment.
Like traveling through time. . .
Friday, January 18, 2013
The problem with kids these days. . .
OK - I am getting old. I had a "The problem with 20-somethings and kids these days is. . " thought, so although my body is 38 I think in my head I am 91. Well - here goes my rant of the day.
Last night I was watching American Idol with my kids. We, as a family, like the show and the early trials with the really bad singers in it is our favorite part. There was one girl that jumped out at me - but not for her voice. Well, maybe it was in part because of her voice, but the entire situation jumped out at me and I had the, "this is what is wrong with this next generation."
This girl was one of a set of twins. Her twin sister didn't sing, but she did. She used singing to set herself apart from her twin. I get that, I have twins and I could see a need to define yourself in that situation. Her twin was with her and said she was an amazing singer. Her mother was with her, all proud, and talked about what a beautiful singer she was. This girl was a college student and was majoring in musical theater - so this girl has sang in public before. I mean - if she was in college and majoring in this she would have to be good, right?
So this girl struts into the audition room, all confident and supreme, and began to sing. Wow. She had confidence behind it. She had volume behind it. Unfortunately, her talents did not match her self-esteem and confidence. And by not match I am not insinuating that she was an OK singer who thought she was great - no - she was a HORRIBLE singer. HORRIBLE. Like I am surprised my dog didn't howl when she was singing, and my kids didn't start crying. She was BAD.
Obviously she didn't make it on to Hollywood. Afterwards they show her talking to her mom and sister and they were supporting her, "You are a great singer honey, they just don't know what they are doing," and "They must have something wrong with their hearing or something because they don't know talent when they see it." So I am watching this and it hit me - in this girl's 20 years of life - and in her one or two years in college studying musical theater and how many other plays and musical things this girl had done - no one had ever told this girl that she sucked. No one. . .
And it even gets worse than that, because I could see not wanting to hurt someones feelings by saying, "Man, you suck!" No, not only did they not tell her she stinks but they supported her belief that she could go off and make a living with this horrible voice. Her mother and sister where there telling her how wonderful of a singer she is. Her parents were paying how many thousands of dollars a year to send her off to college to major in musical theater. WTF? Why would you do that to your child? Do you want to just set them up to fail?
OK - maybe I am an old school parent. We generally don't lie to our kids. I will support them in what they love and want to do, but I am not going to lie to them and tell them they can go off and do something that they can't do. My Evelyn loves to sing - she sings with all her heart and I love to hear her sing - I even put her in musical theater because she is so dramatic and loves singing - but she sucks. She will never make a living out of singing - and to be honest I have told her that. She is a great writer - I could see her writing songs for someone - but she can't sing - she is tone deaf. . . it isn't going to happen. I have also said, "If you love it keep doing it, keep working on it, do your best to get better, but don't count on doing that for a living." So, she plans to be an orthodontist who in her spare time acts in plays. . . .realistic. . . .
I think everyone is so afraid of "hurting their child's spirit" that they take realistic out of the picture. Everyone gets a trophy for trying. Support your kids in doing what they love, even if you see their talent doesn't match their love for it. Now, we have a generation who graduates college and thinks they should be able to walk into being the CEO of a company. You have people with college degrees in things they honestly suck at (it isn't hard to get good grades in college if you pay attention and do the work.)
Be realistic with your kid. Go both ways. If your kid loves football - still encourage them to play with all their heart. If he doesn't make the team - practice and support the team any way he/she can - but more than likely this kid will net be the next Payton Manning. . . . know that and make sure they are realistic about it as well. It is a heard balancing act - to support your kids dreams and give them drive, yet to keep them realistic, but you have to do it. You are their parent. If you don't do it I can assure you the world certainly will - and the world won't be as nice about it as you will be. . .
Last night I was watching American Idol with my kids. We, as a family, like the show and the early trials with the really bad singers in it is our favorite part. There was one girl that jumped out at me - but not for her voice. Well, maybe it was in part because of her voice, but the entire situation jumped out at me and I had the, "this is what is wrong with this next generation."
This girl was one of a set of twins. Her twin sister didn't sing, but she did. She used singing to set herself apart from her twin. I get that, I have twins and I could see a need to define yourself in that situation. Her twin was with her and said she was an amazing singer. Her mother was with her, all proud, and talked about what a beautiful singer she was. This girl was a college student and was majoring in musical theater - so this girl has sang in public before. I mean - if she was in college and majoring in this she would have to be good, right?
So this girl struts into the audition room, all confident and supreme, and began to sing. Wow. She had confidence behind it. She had volume behind it. Unfortunately, her talents did not match her self-esteem and confidence. And by not match I am not insinuating that she was an OK singer who thought she was great - no - she was a HORRIBLE singer. HORRIBLE. Like I am surprised my dog didn't howl when she was singing, and my kids didn't start crying. She was BAD.
Obviously she didn't make it on to Hollywood. Afterwards they show her talking to her mom and sister and they were supporting her, "You are a great singer honey, they just don't know what they are doing," and "They must have something wrong with their hearing or something because they don't know talent when they see it." So I am watching this and it hit me - in this girl's 20 years of life - and in her one or two years in college studying musical theater and how many other plays and musical things this girl had done - no one had ever told this girl that she sucked. No one. . .
And it even gets worse than that, because I could see not wanting to hurt someones feelings by saying, "Man, you suck!" No, not only did they not tell her she stinks but they supported her belief that she could go off and make a living with this horrible voice. Her mother and sister where there telling her how wonderful of a singer she is. Her parents were paying how many thousands of dollars a year to send her off to college to major in musical theater. WTF? Why would you do that to your child? Do you want to just set them up to fail?
OK - maybe I am an old school parent. We generally don't lie to our kids. I will support them in what they love and want to do, but I am not going to lie to them and tell them they can go off and do something that they can't do. My Evelyn loves to sing - she sings with all her heart and I love to hear her sing - I even put her in musical theater because she is so dramatic and loves singing - but she sucks. She will never make a living out of singing - and to be honest I have told her that. She is a great writer - I could see her writing songs for someone - but she can't sing - she is tone deaf. . . it isn't going to happen. I have also said, "If you love it keep doing it, keep working on it, do your best to get better, but don't count on doing that for a living." So, she plans to be an orthodontist who in her spare time acts in plays. . . .realistic. . . .
I think everyone is so afraid of "hurting their child's spirit" that they take realistic out of the picture. Everyone gets a trophy for trying. Support your kids in doing what they love, even if you see their talent doesn't match their love for it. Now, we have a generation who graduates college and thinks they should be able to walk into being the CEO of a company. You have people with college degrees in things they honestly suck at (it isn't hard to get good grades in college if you pay attention and do the work.)
Be realistic with your kid. Go both ways. If your kid loves football - still encourage them to play with all their heart. If he doesn't make the team - practice and support the team any way he/she can - but more than likely this kid will net be the next Payton Manning. . . . know that and make sure they are realistic about it as well. It is a heard balancing act - to support your kids dreams and give them drive, yet to keep them realistic, but you have to do it. You are their parent. If you don't do it I can assure you the world certainly will - and the world won't be as nice about it as you will be. . .
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Years Resolution. . .
OK - lots of us make them. . . I am one of them. Here are my resolutions for 2013.
1. Pray more. Pretty self-explanitroy.
2. Worry less. I worry about EVERYTHING! I am giving some of that up. I am going to worry less and just flow with it more.
3. Bring more fun to my home. For a long time our home has been function - not fun. With four kids - and with MY four kids - getting them all out the bed, dressed, fed, cleaned up after, fed, cleaned up after, homeworked, fed, bathed, cleaned up after, and in bed takes up more time than we even have in a day. Toss in two cats and a dog and I can say our life isn't fun - it is function. We don't have a lot of fun - and I think that is part of the snarky - negative attitudes in this house. This year I want to bring more fun to our home and put some of the function of this house on the kids.
4. Eat less. I am not focusing on weight. We eat a lot in this household - all of us do. We all need to consume less.
5. Decrease debt. The student loan will take 20 years to pay back, but I would like to only owe on the student loan and the van by the end of 2013.
6. Focus on the blessings. Everyday, focus on what is good, not the fact that we live in this crap hole of a state :) - can't you tell I am already working on that one!!!
7. Reconnect with those who matter and care. Family that cares. Friends that I haven't remained close to, but would like to be closer.
Those are my goals for 2013. . . .what are yours?
1. Pray more. Pretty self-explanitroy.
2. Worry less. I worry about EVERYTHING! I am giving some of that up. I am going to worry less and just flow with it more.
3. Bring more fun to my home. For a long time our home has been function - not fun. With four kids - and with MY four kids - getting them all out the bed, dressed, fed, cleaned up after, fed, cleaned up after, homeworked, fed, bathed, cleaned up after, and in bed takes up more time than we even have in a day. Toss in two cats and a dog and I can say our life isn't fun - it is function. We don't have a lot of fun - and I think that is part of the snarky - negative attitudes in this house. This year I want to bring more fun to our home and put some of the function of this house on the kids.
4. Eat less. I am not focusing on weight. We eat a lot in this household - all of us do. We all need to consume less.
5. Decrease debt. The student loan will take 20 years to pay back, but I would like to only owe on the student loan and the van by the end of 2013.
6. Focus on the blessings. Everyday, focus on what is good, not the fact that we live in this crap hole of a state :) - can't you tell I am already working on that one!!!
7. Reconnect with those who matter and care. Family that cares. Friends that I haven't remained close to, but would like to be closer.
Those are my goals for 2013. . . .what are yours?
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