Why I believe we need some form of Welfare. . .

The other day I saw a “share” from a Facebook friend that got me thinking.  The share was a photo of Ronald Reagan and it said something like, “The best form of welfare is a job”.  Now, I agree with that.  I have a blog that I have been working on in my mind for a while about something like that – will be coming eventually.  I really do agree with the line “we need to give people a hand up and not a hand out.”  A job that has a decent pay, insurance benefits, and retirement benefits is what most people need.  That is what will pull America up.

OK – so back to the Facebook “share”, it wasn’t the photo of Ronald Reagan that hit me and irritated me, it was the comments below it.  So many comments of “Yah, we need to get rid of welfare, that would fix it”. . . . many, many comments that pretty much said this.  Now, I believe the welfare system is very broken.  I believe the welfare system needs to be changed.  When I worked at the health department I did come across people who could have worked, but just refused to do so.  It wasn’t worth their time or energy.  It was easier to stay home and get their welfare check.  I met those people – but like I have said MANY times before most of the people I met who got WIC, Medicaid for their kids, or food stamps were people who were working but just didn’t earn enough money to make ends meet.  The Medicaid for their kids is a huge thing, and they appreciate it because their job at the gas station, Meijer’s, or WalMart didn’t offer insurance for their kids. 

So I started thinking about what it would be like if there were no welfare.  No more foodstamps, WIC, FIP grant, or Medicaid.  What would happen all these programs ended, like help with daycare for low income families, free health clinics, low income family planning.  These are the programs so many want to stop.

OK, all of these programs will end tomorrow.  Here is what I see happening.  Those hard working people that I know will still be hard working, but they will be poorer.  Instead of two full time jobs they will have to jump up to three full time jobs to cover the extra day care cost for their children.  If they can’t get a third job they will have to find some very cheap place for their kids to stay at work.  This means they will have to find someone that probably isn’t fit to watch their kids, or their kids will be left home alone.

Those kids will get sick. . . . all kids get sick.  I know my kids sure do get sick.  They have no insurance or free health clinics to take these children to.  Now, I know I have had sick kids before that I have waited a little too long to take them to the doctor.  In doing that my son ended up with Scarlett Fever.  One of my twins had mild hearing loss because I didn’t catch an ear infection soon enough.  Now picture you don’t have insurance and your kids are sick, what are you going to do?  If you take them to the doctor a – you have to take time off work to take them and these low income jobs don’t offer sick time b – you have to pull the money to take them from food or rent.  Or, you just don’t take them to the doctor at all.  They could get better, or they could get really, really sick. 

But hey, it was their choice to have that kid anyway, right?  I mean you did it right.  Waited to have kids until you could afford it.  Waited to have kids until you had a job and a house.  It isn’t your problem or fault that they chose to have kids.  Heck, we cut out the welfare system then less people will have kid, right?  The only reason they have them is so they can get more welfare.    I have heard these lines so many times.

I want to go back to something I have said a 1000 times. . . . most people in this country who get some form of welfare are hard working people with jobs.  In fact, if you saw these people on the store, in the school, at a job you would have no idea they had Medicaid for their kids or got WIC.  Yes – there are abusers – but that is not the norm.

So I go back to thinking what it would be like with no form of welfare.  I am betting some kids wouldn’t be born , but welfare or not people are still going to have babies.  People will have sex, sperm will meet an egg and a baby will be formed.  You have two choices at this point – abort the baby or have the baby.  Heck, if we are getting rid of these welfare like programs then we would be getting rid of low cost planned parenthood as well – so I am betting there would be more babies created.  Abortion rates may go up – I mean $300 to have an abortion isn’t a whole lot of money.  Right now one out of every three pregnancies ends in abortion.  Lets make it now one out of every two babies babies aborted – right?  Sounds better than supporting them.  Oh, and since there is no more Medicaid then these women can’t get healthcare during these pregnancies.  Maybe that will mean more will die on delivery – that would be better than our tax dollars helping to pay for medical care during those pregnancies.  Those people shouldn’t have had sex in the first place if they didn’t want a baby.

So we have gotten rid of Medicaid.  That is good because that is huge on the budget.  Now lets get rid of cash payments to these people.  OK, the only people who get cash help are the poorest of the poor.  Right now our welfare workers are doing a good job of only giving money to people who have no income whatsoever.  It is rare for someone with any form of a job to get cash help from the welfare system.  These people have no job so they can live on the streets – that is fine with me.  The should have a job, right?

Finally, lets get rid of food stamps, WIC, and the free lunch program at school.  So, now my tax dollars aren’t paying to feed other people’s kids.  They are not my kids, so why do I care.  Heck, my husband and I had four college degrees before we had our first child.  I buy my kids food so they should buy their kids food.

Now I know – I am focusing on the kids here.  There is a reason for that. . . . . I have met very few people in my life who are between the ages of 20-60, aren’t disabled or a student who get welfare.  I know a lot of them use the free clinic when they are sick, or use family planning, but it has been the rare person in that age who gets foodstamps, Medicaid, or FIP Grant.  They can’t get WIC because you have to be pregnant or under the age of five years old.  I have known many people in that age group with no jobs, but the welfare system (in the state of Michigan anyway) doesn’t give money to these people.

So here we are. . . . the US with no welfare.  I pay less taxes – which  is awesome.  That is what matters right, I get to keep more of my money.  I work hard, way harder than  anyone with less money than I have (see my previous blog about “if you are poor than you must be lazy” for my stance on this one).  Historically there was no welfare in this country.  Poor could go to soup kitchens and stuff.  Elderly need to move in with their kids for care, or heck , they can just die.  They are old anyway.  This is just how it should be. . .

My Great Grandparents didn’t have welfare.  My Grandfather’s side did fine.  They were hard working people.  They had a huge farm in Northern Michigan, they farmed gladiolas.   Isn’t that a nice useful thing.  Every winter my Great Grandfather packed his wife and kids up and went to Arizona as a missionary.  Can’t farm in the winter.  He would come back to farm during the spring and plant his bulbs.  He didn’t have welfare and did fine, granted, he inherited this massive chunk of land from his in-laws when they passed away, but he was a hard working man (which he was) so that was why he and his children prospered. 

Now there is my Grandmother’s side.  Her parents worked very hard.  Her father always had two full time jobs at a time, sometimes three.  He did refuse to work on Sundays because he was Catholic, but he worked hard.  He was a truck drive and a mover.  They lived in Newark, New Jersey.  Her mother was also a very hard worker.  Women of that time couldn’t really have traditional jobs, so she cleaned homes of the wealthier people in the area.  She also did the laundry of those people.  She gave birth to 10 living children, I say living because she also had many miscarriages in there.  When her third child was 8 months old Josephine’s breastmilk supply went down because she was working so hard and trying to raise her children.  They had no money to buy milk – yah they were working but the work didn’t pay well.  Well, Dorthy Marie died of starvation at 9 months of age.  Hey , that was OK.  John and Josephine shouldn’t have had her if they didn’t have the money to buy the milk to feed her.  They had a set of twins a year later – one of which was very sick.  She almost starved to death but somehow she didn’t.  Luck I guess.  A few years later they had a child die of an ear infection.  There were no antibiotics then, so Lindy just died.  A few years after that my Grandmother’s father died – leaving her mother alone to feed the kids and put a roof over their heads.  They starved.  They were homeless.  The ate out of garbage cans.  That is OK though, that is what you get when you have kids – right?  I mean, John and Josephine knew they were poor so they just shouldn’t have had sex in the first place.

I am hoping at this point you are getting my point.  I once read that a nation is only as good as it treats its elderly and children. . . . if we got rid of all forms of welfare people would suffer.  All people, but those who would suffer the most would be our children and our elderly. . . . people my age would find a way to survive.  People my age are strong, takes more than an ear infection to kill us.  Our children and our elderly are who would suffer.  Yes, the welfare system needs to change, REALLY needs to change, but I ask you this. . . in America where we do have enough of everything to feed everyone, where we have one of the best medical system in the world, are we OK with letting our elderly and children die of starvation and things like ear infections?  I sure hope that answer is “No”.

The reason I stay home with my kids. . .

For a little over a year now I have had the privilege of staying home with my children.  I feel very lucky to be able to do so, because I know not everyone is able to do this.  I feel very lucky that my husband supports this decision and is willing to work hard to make sure I can stay home with my children. 

A couple of weeks ago my husband and I were talking and he told me of a conversation he had with one of his fellow co-workers that went kind of like this.  

CW:  What does your wife do for a living?
DH:  She doesn't work, she stays home.
CW: Is she looking for a job?
DH:  No.
CW:  Well why not?
DH:  She doesn't want to.
CW:  Well that must be nice.  Maybe I could tell my husband I don't want to work anymore so I don't have to.

My husband said he really didn't respond to that, didn't see a need to.  I will say that at first I was hurt that my husband didn't defend me.  Granted, I wasn't there, and Nick said, "Oh, don't worry about it," but the way he described the situation really made me feel like this person honestly thought I didn't work because I just didn't want to work.  So here is my rant on the situation

I have had a job since I was 11 years old.  I started babysitting then and did that even into college.  After school, during the summer, I worked.  I didn't do extra curricular activities because I worked.  When I was 14 years old I lied about my age and started washing dishes at a restaurant in my home town.  I worked fast food during the summer after I gradated.  Around those jobs I still babysat every free moment I had. 

In college I had two jobs at the same time, the entire first three years of college.  I worked in the library (where I met DH) and I also worked at a gas station.  I liked working when I wasn't at school.  The last year of college at Central I had three jobs - I worked as a direct care worker in the area.

Between Central and Purdue I worked at a hospital as a dietary aide.  When we moved to Atlanta we had a hard time finding work so we did temp work, and when we moved up to Lafayette, Indiana I also did temp work until school started.  After school started I did office work on campus while going to school, until I had to do my internship.  At that point I couldn't work because of the internship.  When I graduated I worked at a small hospital in Crawfordsville, Indiana (a hospital I interned at who offered me a position when I graduated).

When Gabe was born it became apparent that he couldn't go to daycare.  Now, I know, ALL kids can do daycare - you just make them go.  Gabe was Gabe from birth and he couldn't do daycare, so from there I did jobs where he could be with me.  I compiled a database for Purdue university about herbal medications.  I babysat for family members children.  I was an assistant at a day care.  I always did something to bring in a little extra money.

When Evelyn was 8 weeks old I started my job at the health department.  I was a WIC and MIHP dietitian.  I LOVED my job.  LOVED IT!  I would have done it for free if I could have afforded to.  I loved helping people.  I loved working with pregnant ladies and young children.  LOVED IT!

Six years after I started that job I was offered a position at a local hospital with higher pay that I had to take, but I so loved my health department job that I didn't want to give it up.  With the increase cost of gas and food we hit a point where the WIC/MIHP just wasn't even paying for itself.  We had the twins so we now had four kids in daycare - and during the summer there were days I ended up paying to work.  Thus, I quit the WIC portion of my job but was allowed to keep the MIPH portion, and added the hospital portion.  Between those two jobs I was working full time.

So there I was, husband unhappy in his current job and thinking of going to graduate school, I was working full time, caring for four children (one that was special needs), while still trying to keep the house work up and trying to be there for my kids.  Things really started to fall apart.  For the first time ever we had enough money to start paying down our debt AND get a newish car AND take a vacation, but my family just was imploding.

I think about that time and wondered what was wrong with me.  So many women can do it.  They have the kids, they have the career, it all works out and is wonderful.  I worked with a lady who totally is my hero (love you Lisa) who has four kids, her and her husband work full time and her husband coaches in the evening, she finds a way to run marathons around it all and she always seems so happy and put together - yet for me it was all falling part!  Every morning the kids woke up screaming and yelling because they didn't want to get up and go to school/daycare.  I would pack them in the car at 6:30am and drag the older two to the daycare attached to the school.   I would then drive the twins the 35 miles through blizzards and two feet of snow to their daycare, wondering if I would be able to make it up the driveway or have to walk the 1/4 mile through knee deep snow while carrying two one year olds the entire way.  I would get to the job at the hospital at about 8am already exhausted (and I so HATED that job!!!)  Somewhere between 5pm and 7pm I would stumble out of that place, head pounding, not even able to think straight, then drive the 15 miles to the twins daycare to get them, and then the 35 miles back home - again in two feet of snow.  I would get home anywhere between 6:30pm to 8:30pm.  I would then have to make a dinner, try to do some housework done, lunches made for the next day, and get the kids to bed to start it all over again.  Weekends were spent trying to catch up, cleaning the house, planning menus and grocery shopping, trying to find a little time to visit my Grandma. . . .we had money for the first time ever but we weren't happy.  Live turned into totally functioning and not living.

Now, I know most women do this.  Like I have stated before I wonder what is wrong with me that I can't do this.  What is missing in me that makes this overwhelming, because most women I know do something like this everyday and at the end of the day they don't seem to want to either get drunk and pass out or be so agitated by everything that they yell, but I can't do it.  I can't. 

When my husband decided to go to graduate school (while continuing to work full time) I realized something was going to have to give.  Add in a breakdown by my oldest son that had him in the suicide room at the local hospital and it became very obvious that I wasn't the only one in our home that couldn't handle the way our live was going.  I quit the hospital.  I loved the MIHP - and that was so flexible to where I only had to work outside of the home one day a week.  I could work evenings and weekends when DH was home.  It as a pay per visit job, so I could get enough visits in my one day to equal 20-25 hours a week of working.  I could do paper work at home when the kids were sleeping.  And, again, I loved it!

Nick and I both decided that our family just doesn't function with two parents working full time.  Our children are wonderful children, but they are children who need to be able to come home at the end of the day and have things in order and in place.  Gabe doesn't do well with school and daycare, and although he may be 12 now he still can't be home alone for more than an hour.  He just can't.  I am not being overprotective here - he is him and he can't be alone that long.

Nick and I both decided that his goal was to get a job that would allow me to be home with the kids.  When Nick was offered this job in Tampa we knew we wouldn't be wealthy, but the pay is not something we can complain about.  Thus, I quit my job at the health department, a job that I really loved and really gave me a sense of purpose, and we moved down here and I stayed home with the kids.  The cost of living down here is much higher than we anticipated, so financially we are pretty much in the same place we were with me working at the health department, but I am home with the kids.

I do realize at some point I will have to go back to work, but right now our family isn't in a place where that can happen.  At this point in the lives of our children working just isn't really an option for me because - a -dietitian jobs down here won't pay enough to make it worth it (with daycare, extra taxes and gas) and b - our children are not at a point where they can handle that extra stress of daycare and two working parents.  Again - I know what people think - they have said it to my face - you just make your kids go to daycare.  You don't give them a choice and you just take them.  Thing is with that, Nick and I decided a long time ago that parenting children was more than just giving them the physical things that they needed and wanted, we needed to make sure they were able to become functioning adults who were confident in who they are and could become successful.  For our children this is not possible if we only have them two hours a day and in that two hours we are doing nothing but cooking, cleaning, and laundry.  Our children are not your children.  Our children are who they are, they are all very different and have very strong personalities that need to be tended and cultivated.  They need more than two working parents can give.  Maybe that is why God gave them to us.

I stay home with my kids because my kids need me to stay home with them.  I am so thankful we are able to do this and still feed them and pay the bills, and we are able to do this with my husband's income and no help from any government agency.  I miss my job at the health department.  I miss what I did.  I miss my clients.  I miss my co-workers.  Staying home for me isn't an easy thing, I have worked since I was 11 years old.  I do feel a lot of guilt about the fact that we aren't adding anything to college funds right now.  There are times I find it boring, it is hard to get excited about washing more laundry and cooking another meal or snack.  I feel very guilty that we can't take them to Disney, or even to the movies, but at the same time I know that me being here with them everyday is giving them an even bigger gift than those trips to Disney or the movies would give time.  I feel guilty that I can't be a super mom and work full time and still be the parent I need to be. 

I don't stay home because I don't want to work, I stay home because my children need me to put that time and energy that I would be putting into my job into them.

Dude, just shut up. Your words make me dislike you. . . .

I like most people.  In fact, I really don't like not liking people.  There is good in all and even people who others may not like I can usually find something to like about them.  People are people and God put us here to love and support one another.  Then there is Ann Romney. . .

Now, you may wonder why I dislike her so.  I myself have wondered that.  When I first saw her on Mitt's arm so many months ago I saw this blond Michigan born woman who I really had no feelings either way about.  George Romney was actually a friend of my Great Grandfather's.  I had nothing against her.

Then I heard her talk.  Now this was back when some ignorant democrat had stated that Ann Romney had never worked a day in her life.  I will say that women who stay at home to raise their children do work hard, it is thankless work that pays nothing.  I am not supporting that democrat that said that, but Ann Romney's response pissed me off.  She went on about how hard she did work, how it was so hard to raise five boys, so how dare this person say she had never worked a day in her life.

OK, this is my issue with that, Ann Romney raised five boys, probably alone for the most part because I am sure Mitt worked long hours, I will give her that, but Ann Romney has no clue what it is like for most American families to raise their children.  Ann Romney was born wealthy, and she married into wealth.  Does Mrs. Romney know what it is like to have to leave her babies at daycare to go off to a job when she would rather be able to stay at home and raise them?  Does she know what it is like to cry the entire way while leaving them there?  Does Mrs. Romney know what it is like to raise four children, work, have a husband who is gone all the time working, have to come home after working and still try to find a way to help kids with homework, cook dinner, do laundry, clean the house, brush kids teeth, and make sure they are clean?  Does she know this?  Her reaction to that "never worked a day in her life" statement showed me she has has no real idea of what it is like to be a woman in America.

I still felt bad for not liking her.  I mean, she is Michigan born and I really like Michigan people.   Tonight I listened to her speech.  I listened to her talk about how wonderful Mitt is because he still makes her laugh.  I listened to her talk about her marriage being real and hard, not a fairy tale.  I listen to her talk about how the reason her husband is successful is because he worked hard.  All I am left with is a feeling that this woman is so out of touch with how real Americans live, and just this horrible taste in my mouth.

I stay home now, it is a privilege to stay home and raise my kids and I know this, but this staying home means there have to be sacrifices - like in many American families where one parent stays home.  I do not have the luxury of staying home and just raising my children, I have to find a way to make one income cover all our bills.  We all go without so we can have a parent be home with our kids.  Along with the stress of raising children, did Mrs. Romney know what it was like to go without?  Did/does she know what it is like to try to make pennies stretch to try to feed your kids, and still try to put something away for retirement or college?  Somehow I think she doesn't.

And her talking about her husbands hard work. . . pisses me off.  I have no doubt that Mitt has worked hard, but they have to realize that they both had advantages that many, probably even most, Americans did not have.  If Mitt's business failed would they have starved and had to be homeless?  No, they had parents with financial means to keep them afloat.  Did they graduate from college with student loan debt?  Somehow I am betting they didn't.  George may have taught Mitt the value of hard work, but Mitt never would have been truly without had things gone to hell.  Heck, I would have loved to be able to spend 36 months in France as a missionary.  LOVED IT!  That was not something that would have ever been an option for me, or most of the people I know.

Finally, don't bring your illnesses up anymore.  Rich and poor both get sick.  I know people with MS.  I know people who have had breast cancer.  You were fortunate enough to be in a position to get the best medical care possible.  My mother in law had breast cancer.  My mother in law had no health insurance when she found her lump.  Guess what, she is DEAD now because she didn't have the heath insurance to take care of that lump early enough to save her life.  DEAD.   I have a friend with MS who works full time, yet her job offers her no health insurance so she is wheel chair bound, and will be for the rest of her life.  Don't throw your illnesses out there to show how hard and real your life as been - because even in that you are so out of touch it makes me ill.

So Ann Romney, please keep your mouth shut and don't talk anymore.  Your words just piss me off.

The long goodbye. . . .

     A dear friend and former co-worker once told me that parenting is the most bittersweet job you will ever have.  From the moment you hear that first cry your entire mission in life is to make them into functioning people so at some point they can pack up their car and head off on their own.  This week that really hit home for me!

     In the day to day functions of parenting I think many of us forget this is only a temporary job.  The wiping of bums, the preparing of meals, washing dishes, doing laundry, wiping fingerprint of the same mirror four times in one day, and the constant picking up the same items time after time. . . . these things can be tedious.  At times you can get angry for picking up that same pillow off your living room floor (the pillow you just put away 20 minutes ago).  At times you forget what a privilege it is to be able to do this.

     I think for us that message has even been more clouded.  From the moment Gable was diagnosed we were told to be prepared to be his primary care giver for the rest of our lives.  At that point our entire purposed turned into making him a functioning person - someone who would someday go off and live on his own (which now we know all those predictions where not founded, Gabe will be fine)

     This week was hard for me.  For the last 12 years I have had a young child with me at all times (except when working).  Everything I do I do with my children.  They are my life.  Then on Tuesday I walked my babies down to the bus stop and sent them off to the next step of their lives, school.

     The first five years of our children's lives are all ours.  We shape them.  We mold them.  The habits and behaviors they get are from us.  We are their biggest influence.  Now that all changes.  Now they look to their peers, they learn things from them, they choose who their friends are from a pool of people I do not know. 

     This week it really hit home that this is nothing but one long goodbye. . . .

If you don't like me. . .

I don't make friends easily.  I mean - I am a friendly person and I am friendly to everyone, but as far as true friendships there have only been a few people in my life that I would consider my friend - and once my friend that person will always have my love and friendship.  I consider my friends to be family.

I am what I am.  I am known to be dramatic at times.  When I say something I mean it - but I do try hard not to say things that will hurt someone unless it is absolutely needed.  I may not be that person who will go to the bar with you or get drunk with you, but if you need help moving, need a meal cooked for you, or are sick and need help I will be there to help (probably with my 4 kids behind me but I will be there).  And Facebook - to use my Father-In-Laws term, "You put your life on Facebook."  He is right.  If I am feeling something or thinking something it will probably show up on F-book.

So - it has come to my attention that some people don't like the things I post on f-book.  They don't want to hear about the mundane of my life, they don't care to see photos of my kid, they don't want to hear my rants over Floridiots. . . . well you know what, if you you really don't like my f-book posts then unfriend me.  I live 1400 miles away from most of my family and friends, thus I rarely see any of you.  I personally want to know what is going on in your life.  I actually CARE about how you and your family are doing.  No - I am not being fake when I ask how things are going.  I am not being fake when I say I want to see you when I am up, I may not get the chance to see all of you, but I actually do want to see you. 

I know I don't live this exciting life, I am a boring house wife who at time can be somewhat of a downer, and if you have an issue with that you can kiss my a$$.

My Grandma's house

I have moved a lot in my 37 years on this planet – as a child and an adult.  A house is a house – with the exception of the last home we owned in Buckley I was never sad to leave a house.  The last house in Buckley was a little bittersweet – for it was the closest place we lived that actually felt like it was our style – but even that was not our dream home.  It was a modest three bedroom tri-level – not an old Victorian home or an old farm house – but we decorated it more our style so it was harder to leave the house (and the community).  Then there is my Grandma’s home. . . .

Here I sit in her kitchen, typing this.  Her kitchen where 95% of all the holiday meals I have ever had were eaten.  Her kitchen where most of her days were spent either cleaning, cooking, reading the paper, having coffee with a neighbor, or playing cards at her table.  Grandpa wanted to build her a big kitchen so she had room to cook.  Her wooden cupboards with red countertops, the wooden buffet against the wall. . . this kitchen has changed very little in my lifetime.  

My Grandparents built their home in 1949, and they built the addition with the master bedroom, current kitchen, and backroom area’s in the mid 50’s (Grandma always said they built the addition right around the time my mom was born – so that would have been in 1956).  They built this home with their own hands.  They even made a lot of the blocks used to build the home themselves.  They were hardworking people who did their best – and 63 years later this home still stands.

Grandma loved her home.  She would go other places for trips and such – but her home was where she always longed to be.  Her home was her castle – built for her by her prince.  “It is so nice to be home” was what she said most of the time she walked through her back kitchen door.    Her home was where she felt safe, comfortable, and close to those she loved.  My Grandfather passed away after only 28 years of marriage, and she waited another 42 years to join him in the kingdom of God – yet she said many times that she felt close to him here in this house – that he built for her.

As a child I spent a lot of time here – sometimes fully living here and then during every vacation and summer that I could spend here.  Grandma’s house was where most of us grandkids preferred to be.  The white brick home with the gray (or blue depending on how far back you go in my lifetime) trim was the most beautiful home in the world.  When I would hear the news talk about “The White House” I honestly thought they were talking about my Grandma’s house – because I could think of no place as beautiful and spectacular as this little white block home.

Grandma’s house was my oasis, the closest thing I could think to heaven on this planet.  Grandma’s house was always warm and comfortable.  You walked through the door and you were greeted with love and a big sloppy wet kiss.  Your arrival was always a true joy – and most of the Grandkids longed for that.  At Grandma’s house you knew all your physical needs would be met – and you also knew your emotional needs would be met as well.  You were loved and cared for in a home that was always kept very clean and tidy.  You knew life would be full of joy and excitement – from Grandma making the small things exciting to the fun of a cousin you haven’t seen in a while stopping by to stay as well.  As a child – Grandma’s house was the best place on Earth to be.

As time progressed and we became adults, Grandma’s house was still our oasis.  We all knew that no matter what happened we would always a place that was welcoming that we could stay.  If we lost homes, if we lost jobs, if we lost significant others – Grandma would always welcome us with open arms and love.  Grandma would be here with her nutty dunker donuts, a cup of coffee, and she would share with our joys and cry with us during our hardships.  Grandma’s house that never seemed to change much – then we lost Grandma. . .

I will admit – part of me was very worried about staying up here this summer without Grandma.  Grandma had been gone for over a year now – and I know how much I missed just holding her hand and smelling her hair.  Would we be able to stay at her home?  Would I be too sad to allow the kids to have a good summer?  Would we be too creeped out at night to stay here?   Would I be able to figure out her 63 year old septic system, old kitchen stove, and water to be able to function here?  I had to try though – I had to try my best to offer my kids a little of what Grandma offered me – and I know that since April 11, 2011 I haven’t been able to give my children what they needed or deserved.

The arrival of the home was bumpy – for many reasons – but after a week we got the house up and running and figured out our routine and things went well.  We were in her home – trying to clean things up as best we could with four kids roaming around.  We have been in Grandma’s house for 3 ½ weeks now – and it is everything I remember it being.  The relaxation, the love, the joy – it is still here – not as much as when Grandma was here – but the essence of who she was is everywhere here.  The house honestly seems happy that we are here – as crazy as it sounds.  The house of love and joy – the security and stability that we always knew is still here – even the smell of Grandma lingers all around us.  And as crazy as this sounds, I swear at night when all the kids are quite you can hear the echoes of her feet walking across the kitchen floor.

I totally understand why Grandma loved her home so much – I am betting at night she could hear the echoes of my Grandpa walking through the back door and the laughter of young children playing in the yard.  Grandma’s castle. . . .

The future of my Grandma’s house really isn’t certain.  The house needs to be lived in by someone – someone with children to run around the yard and roll in the dirt – someone who will make Sunday dinners for their family and eat them in the kitchen.  Grandma’s house needs life in it to keep it alive – and if there isn’t life in it the home will crumble away. . . In a perfect world I would buy the home – do all the things that need to be done with it to make it last – and my family would spend every summer up here – but it isn’t a perfect world and we have four kids to raise, feed, clothe and put through college – and that is how Grandma would want it – “Your children come first.” 

Staying here at Grandma’s this summer has been a privilege.  I feel I have given my children something priceless.  I have given them a little bit of the legacy of Grandma.  The girls have even said how much they love their “Ghea’s house” and they wish we could live here all the time.  Grandma’s home will always feel like home to me.  As long as the home remains in the family I hope the kids and I will be able to spend summers here – the relaxed beauty of Northern Michigan life.  We are Michiganders – and no matter where we live we always will be Michiganders. . . but I will say this about my Grandma’s house – no matter how sad I would be to see it sold to someone outside the family it would be a sin to see the house sit empty and just crumble apart without the life it so needs in it. . . .   That is just my opinion. 

What the f$#k is wrong with people?!?!

If you know anything about me you probably know that I have issues with people doing things that are mean or nasty to each other (as do most people).  I do my best to accept people as they are and find something to love in all. . . really I do, but there are a few things I just can't handle with people.  The things I can't stand are pure stupidity in people who don't have an excuse for it, rudeness, meanness, and being inconsiderate. . . People who do thing that are mean to others just make angry.  Makes me want to bitch slap them in the back of the head. . . . I honestly can't even comprehend why someone would do something like that to another person. . . .

I know I assume the good in all - and I have been taken for it.  I choose to not let these things sour me.  I would much rather be nice and get stolen from than not be nice and still have something.  Well here is my latest, "Why the F#$k would someone do that" moment. . .

On the way up to Michigan we were staying at a hotel in Goodlettsville, TN.  I had a hard time finding a place that would allow dogs the size of Olive that weren't a fortune to stay at.  We just need a place to sleep for the night so we could head back out at 6am the next day.  We stayed at the Red Roof Inn here.  It was what it was - three beds (so no one had to sleep with octopus Evie) - it wasn't too nasty - and it was in a safe area.

We had a room at the back of the building, the car was parked out side the door, and on the other side of a very small marking lot was a fenced in grass area with a couple of trees.  Great for the dogs!  There was a fence around it and it was pretty much right outside our door.  The only way to get to this area was through the Red Roof Inn's driveway and from the back of the building - so I felt like it would be safe to take her out there at night since the only people there would be from the Red Roof Inn.

Unloading the car the dog was very underfoot.  She had been in the car for 13 hours as well and she didn't understand why.  She was nervous and trying to smell everything.  So - when I started loading the car up in the morning to go I decided to tie her to the tree that was in the grassy area 20 feet from our door.  I to that when I grocery shop - put her on her extendable leash and loop it around the tree - that way she can be outside with us (which she loves), but I don't have to worry about her jumping in the very nasty pond behind the house.  This tree and grassy area was straight across from our door and car - and I was going in and out.  She was latched with her leash - which she can't unlatch.  My only real worry was if she would somehow slip out of her collar - but it was nice and tight so I didn't see that happening.

So there I was packing the van - coming in and out.  Olive was watching me, all happy to be outside.  She was out there for 10 minutes max - and I was coming in and out the entire time.  Every time I went out I waved to her and she was fine - tied up to the tree. 

It was at the point where the kids were to come out to the van.  I told them Olive was tied up to the tree out front.  The girls are very bonded with Olive - they just adore her. . . So we walked outside the door and pointed to the tree where Olive was tied up to so the girls could relax. . . . the tree was there. . . but Olive was not there.  I thought maybe she was behind the tree or something - so I started calling her name and walked over there. . . she was not behind the tree. . . . I started to panic - had she somehow loosened her collar and slipped it off her head?  As I got closer I could see her leash was there - coiled up in a circle like someone coiled it up.  I had a quick thought that maybe she somehow broke the latch that connected it to her collar, but when I looked at the clasp it wasn't broken.  Someone had went out there and unhooked her from the leash. . .

Now remember - the kids are with me at this time.  The girls are in full on panic, SCREAMING and crying because their dog is gone.  I start calling her name.  We were back there for another 5 minutes yelling her name while the girls are hysterical. . .  I was at the point where I didn't know if I should start knocking on every door or call the police.  At this point Gabe said, "Why don't we check at the front office to see if maybe they unhooked her?"  I didn't see how that could happen because we were a full building away from the office, and we were in the back of the second building, but I figured it was worth a try.  We walked around our building the only way you could (there is that fence there remember. . . Fence all around the back of the building where we were, parking lot and the grassy area.  The only way to get to the other buildings was to take the driveway to it. . . .

So - we used the only way you could leave the fenced area and were part way to the other building where the office was - girls screaming because their dog is gone when suddenly here comes Olive running from the area we just were to us.  I have never been so happy to see a dog in my life!  The only thing worse than having her be gone from that tree was knowing that at some point we were going to have to leave that hotel and continue our journey - and I know how heart broken the girls would have been if we would have had to pull out of that hotel without Olive.

We hugged her and kissed her and brought her back to the room.  Sitting there shaking it hit me - if she had been OUTSIDE at all on our side of the building we would have seen her.  There was no way to get to the other side a different way - we know - we took her for a walk the night before and the fence was all around the back of the building, yet when she finally came running to us she came from that closed off side of the building.  She couldn't undo the latch of her leash. . . her collar wasn't broken. . . the leash was still attached to the tree yet the part that was extended out was coiled up like most people would coil up a leash.  All the time at home I tie her to a tree in the front yard like this - and she has never gotten off before.  In the two minute between my last trip to the van (when I saw her still laying next to the tree) and when the kids and I went out to the van and found her gone someone had to have gone out there, unhooked her and brought her into their room. 

Why the hell would someone do that?  It was 6:30am. . . it wasn't amazingly hot out.  She was out there for 10 minutes total - and I was going in and out that entire 10 minutes. . . I could see if you saw a dog tied up there for hours. . . or if it was really hot. . . but it wasn't hot and it was 10 minutes!!!  Someone was either purposely trying to take our dog or they just were angry when they saw the dog tied up out there that they decided to teach the owners a lesson and take her for a little bit.  Just - what the f$%k!  Who ever took her had to be on our side of the building - thus they HAD to hear how hysterical the girls were.  They had to hear us calling for her.  Olive had to hear us as well in what ever room they had her in. . .  And as soon as we walked around the building they must have let her out.

I am so thankful we have her back.  I thanked God for that, but why the hell would someone do that. . . .