Haven't blogged in a while, but read a couple of stories last week that got me thinking about a few things.
I am fairly pro life. Actually I am pretty strongly pro life. I think birth control should be free and easier to get. I think pregnancy prevention should be taught to our children. With that being said, I do not think people who have abortions are evil. I have never been in a situation where I thought that would be the best option for me, and I can only imagine how difficult it would be to be in the situation where you though that was the best option. I also see a fertilized egg, with a heartbeat as a person - not a parasite, but that is going a little off topic from where I was heading.
I was reading about abortion, abortion laws, and definitions. In reading that it hit me, I actually had an abortion. I had a pregnancy that we decided to terminate. Yep, Nick and I terminated not just one pregnancy, but three pregnancies.
The last two that we terminated ended up with the birth of all three of our daughters. I wasn't in labor, they were repeat C-section. Maybe Gabe's birth would have fit this too, but since I was in labor before his emergency C-section I prefer not to count it. I know, it seems stupid to consider them "abortions", but if you look at early termination of pregnancy as the definition, then those would count .
The one that hit me the hardest was the termination of our first pregnancy, and it is situations like that one that mean, to me, certain abortion rights should be protected.
I knew from a young age that I may never have children. A tumor damaged me reproductive organs, so I knew it may never happen. My husband and I started trying to get pregnant soon as we got married. Two plus years later, after several tests and procedures, we became pregnant. We were overjoyed!
Pregnancy went well. Had an ultrasound at 8 weeks that showed a heartbeat. We loving refered to him as "Webbie" after reading one day in the baby books that he no longer had webbed fingers. After 12 weeks we started purchasing baby items. We were past the miscarriage window.
Went in for my 16 week check up. Everything appwared to be going well. My uterus was measuring fine. Pulled out the little Doppler machine and couldn't find a heartbeat. Had an ultrasound, and there was my sweet little Webbie. He looked perfect. You could see his arms, legs, little head. He looked like a perfect little baby - except he wasn't moving and they could find no heartbeat. Two days later we had another ultrasound, with a higher level machine, that showed the same thing. He had passed away.
They said I would eventually go into labor any day. Days came and went. Days turned into weeks. My uterus still growing. I looked more and more pregnant every day. My body still did not want to deliver my baby. They had guessed he passed away not long after my 12 week appointment, so when 20 weeks came it was obvious my body was happy keeping him in there forever. My doctor decided I should "deliver" him with a D & C.
Went into the hospital that day and on my paperwork where it had my diagnosis it said "missed abortion". I lost it. Completely lost it. My husband said, "Um, she didn't have an abortion, she had a miscarriage." The nurse explained that the term "abortion" was any pregnancy that ended before it should.
I know people are talking about elective abortions when they talk about abortion, but when you think about our situation we did have an elective abortion. We could have waited longer, I am sure my body would have delivered Webbie at some point, but we decided to no longer continue with his pregnancy. I couldn't start healing from his loss while he was still in me.
This was a startling realization for me. I could not have continued being pregnant with him. I was a mess. What would it mean in that situation if all abortions were banned? I can't help but wonder. What are your thoughts?
